How to have a happier New Year

How to have a happier New Year.

All of us use the expression, ‘happy new year’ and our intentions are good.  Happiness is something we all want but what can we do to ensure that we truly have a happy new year?

I have been listening and reading material from Dr. Henry Cloud who has done research and written a book on this subject of happiness.  Much of the material used in this message comes from him and the research he has conducted.

Science has now been able to identify the area of our brain that produces the feelings we attribute to happiness and has been able to determine what things actually stimulate this area of the brain to produce the feelings.

Happiness is determined by several factors. 

About 10 percent of our happiness comes from new things we experience that are circumstantial.  For instance when you receive a new car, computer or something that you have wanted there is a feeling of happiness that comes over you.  The problem is that this feeling does not last so we are constantly seeking to find pleasure in other things.  External circumstances do not have the power to bring us happiness that lasts. Many people spend a lot of time seeking the external circumstances instead of devoting their energies to the things that truly will bring happiness.

Some people are born with a genetic predisposition to being happy.  About 50 percent of our happiness level is determined by our genetic makeup, our temperament and constitutional factors. (Cloud, p.11) We see it in babies, some are smiling almost constantly and seldom cry or have a grumpy disposition.  We see the same thing in adults.  We all know people who seem to be naturally happy.  They have a cheery disposition and do not let things get them down for very long.  They are wired to be happy most of the time.

The other factors in achieving happiness comes from things you have direct control: your behaviors, thoughts and intentional practices in your life. (Cloud, p. 12).  There are certain activities and attitudes that we can develop that will produce the feelings of happiness in our lives and that is what I want to focus on in this message.  If you want to have a happier new year, you will need to put these things into practice in your life.

One of the ways we can experience greater happiness is by being generous giver toward others.

ONE OF THE STRONGEST FINDINGS OF THE HAPPINESS AND WELL BEING RESEARCH OVER THE YEARS IS THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE GIVERS, THOSE WHO SERVE OTHERS AND ARE ALTRUISTIC, ARE MUCH HAPPIER THAN THE ONES WHO DON’T…NEUROSCIENTISTS JORGE MOLL AND JORDAN GRAFMAN FROM THE NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH SHOWED THAT PLEASURE CENTERS OF THE BRAIN, THE ONES THAT RESPOND TO FOOD AND SEX, ALSO LIGHT UP WHEN PEOPLE THINK OF GIVING TO OTHERS.

 When we give to others we stimulate the part of our brain that produces the feelings of happiness.  When we are able to give to meet the needs of another person there is a feeling of satisfaction that we experience.  Giving to others makes us happier than spending it on ourselves and those who are givers have less stress, anxiety and depression (Cloud, p.22).  God by his nature is a giver and a generous one at that.  He holds back no good thing from those who walk with him. 

Psa_84:11  For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

He freely gives without expecting anything in return, there are no strings attached.

Rom_8:32  He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

 Likewise we increase our happiness when we freely give to others without reservation or expectation of receiving anything in return. 

Luk_6:30  Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.

Paul in quoting Jesus said, “it is better to give than receive”.

Act_20:35  In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

 People who are givers are happier people.  People who are selfish and self-absorbed seldom if ever give without expecting something in return.  If they give it is often only to manipulate the person to get them to give something in return or give to be recognized by others such as the Pharisees as noted by Jesus who gave to been seen by others and thought of more highly.

When I think of giving I think of three kinds of giving.  Spontaneous, systematic and sacrificial.  These three forms of giving should be a part of our life if we want to have the happiness that comes from giving.

Spontaneous giving is when you see a need and immediately want to give to help meet it.  Last year I was in Washington State visiting a friend.  We approached an intersection and saw a young mom with her baby in her arms holding a sign that stated that she needed help.  There were tears in her eyes and they looked real, she was hurting and desperate for help.  My friend immediately pulled over took out his wallet and give her $20.  The look on this lady’s face was worth the gift that was given, she was genuinely thankful for the money.  Hanging around with my friend taught me a lot about giving spontaneously to meet needs. At times we wrestle with giving spontaneously because we may question the need of the person or make judgments about them as to what they will do with the money or why they are in the situation they face.  Last Saturday night on Soul Patrol I walked down Arch street and ran into a young man I have known for several years.  He told me on one occasion that he was the leader of a gang in the area and he is well known as one who deals and does drugs.  He has lost a lot of weight and does not look very healthy.  When I stopped to talk with him he immediately wanted me to buy something from him which I did not need.  Instead I offered to take him to Burger King to get him something to eat.  That was fine with him and when he ordered he ordered not only for himself but also for his friend who had stayed back with the jewelry they were selling.  It ended up costing about ten dollars which was a bit more than I had anticipated spending.  This guy knows the Lord and he kept telling me that one day he will come back to the Lord.  I encouraged him to not wait so he does not waste more of his life.  Some people would have passed on giving him anything and probably would have been justified in their actions yet as I thought about it, I would much rather be remembered as one who gave than one who refused to give.  Perhaps one day he will remember the goodness that has been shown to him through many people and that will lead him to repentance.  We have a team coming down in a couple of weeks.  I mentioned to them that there were families in San Pablo La Laguna that lost their homes in the earthquake and that it would cost about $2000 to build a simple block home for them.  Once the need was known members of the group spontaneously gave and collected $ 4000.  There are many opportunities for us to give spontaneously to meet immediate needs.  Last week on Christmas Eve we bought some food to deliver to families in need.  It was an idea that came to me the day before and I we had received a donation to help people in need so it was easy for me to be able to help five families in a small way.  One of the families we visited was a widow whose husband had been murdered about a month ago.  She was away on a women’s retreat and when she came back she was told that her husband had been murdered.  When we came to deliver the food, she had tears in her eyes and was so grateful for the gift of food that will help her care for her two young sons. 

When we were in India on outreach one of the staff member of the Chennai base talked to our students about how she handles her money.  One of the things that she does is sets aside a percentage of her money to give to the poor when a need arises.  She plans to give this money away so when a need is presented she can immediately give and not be stressed as to whether she has the money.  I liked the idea and will put it into practice this year.  Maybe you could do the same so that when a spontaneous need is presented you can respond because you have already purposed to set aside money for these needs.

A second type of giving is systematic giving.  Most of us will call this out tithe or giving the first 10 percent of our income to the Lord.

A study by George Barna revealed a decline in tithing in the USA.

Barna reveals that the national tithing rate has dropped to the lowest level in 10 years. By his estimation, approximately 4% of Americans practice tithing. That’s a 40 percent decline.

Pew study

While most people only give 1-3% of their income to charitable/church/religious causes, survey responders indicated their household made it a priority to be faithful and generous givers.

· 23% give under 10%

· 18% give 10%

· 51% give 10% to 20%

· 8% give over 20%

 I have practiced tithing since I was 20 years old.  The tithe should go to the place where you are receiving your spiritual input or in most cases this would be the church you attend.  We are simply stewards of the resources God has given us.  It all belongs to him and giving 10 percent back to him is not asking that much.  I can attest that God has been faithful to meet my needs and he has gone over the top on many occasions to bless my life.  It is a joy to be able to give back and know that this money is being used to advance the work of the kingdom.  Many people do not stop at ten percent but increase this amount each year.  Systematic giving also involves making pledges to give support to others that goes beyond the tithe.  Many people give to help support missionaries or Para church organizations on a regular basis.  They make this part of their budget and give to help others.  As a missionary most of my support comes from people and churches who systematically give each month to help me.  In the 14 years of being a missionary I have been the recipient of the gifts of many people who have given systematically and without their faithfulness it would be a greater challenge to be where I am doing what I am doing.

The third type of giving is sacrificial giving.  This is giving money that you do not have or giving money you have set aside for other purposes.  Sacrificial giving is denying yourself and believing God to supply the finances you feel you should give.  Rick Warren told of a time when his church was raising money to help build a new facility that they needed.  He prayed with his wife about how much they should give and the amount the Lord put in his heart to give was $150,000.  He did not have that amount of money at the time but he was willing to do whatever he needed to be able to give this amount. Within a short time after making this pledge he was contacted by a Christian publishing company about writing a book on “the purpose driven church” and they offered to pay him $150,000 up front to write the book.  He immediately knew that God had supplied for his pledge and when he shared it with the church, it was a huge encouragement to them.  YWAM has a history of people giving sacrificially to meet needs of others.  Loren Cunningham told of a time when they were trying to buy property in Kona to build a base.  People had given sacrificially to help them purchase property and they had raised a large amount of money.  But one day in prayer, the Lord told him to give all the money to another organization.  I don’t know about you but I would have definitely needed to hear God very clearly on this since it involved the money others had given for a specific purpose.  In obedience to God they gave the money, all of it to the organization.  Shortly thereafter another ministry in the USA sold a piece of property and gave all of the proceeds to YWAM which amounted to much more money than they had given to the other organization.  When we give sacrificially in obedience to God, he honors our obedience.  God has resources we do not even know about and he can meet our needs in ways that we would never think of on our own.  It is exciting to live by faith and to trust God to be in control of our finances.  He is faithful and he will take good care of his children who are walking in faith and obedience to him.  Sacrificial giving is not how much you give but how much you have after you give.

One of my favorite stories of generosity is the story of Ruth.  She sacrificially gave her life to take care of her widowed mother in law. Mother in laws often get a bad rap and I have heard it said that behind every successful man is a mother in law who never thought it was possible.  Ruth had a true love for Naomi and she was willing to go with her back to Bethel to take care of her.  She sacrificed her future for another person and she sacrificed her time and energy to harvest among the leftover grain to supply food for Naomi.  Her efforts were rewarded when Boaz saw her dedication and sacrifice she was making.  He told his workers to leave handfuls on purpose for her to make it easier for her to get the grain she needed.  When she realized that Boaz was a potential kinsman redeemer she spent a night at the feet of Boaz and when he awoke she explained her situation and left with a huge bag of barley to take home.  Her sacrifice was rewarded in even a greater measure.  But the final reward came when she was taken in as Boaz’s wife and now she had access to all of the wealth he possessed.  The sacrifices she had made were generously rewarded by God.  Her story can be our story as well when we learn to give sacrificially to meet the needs of others.  God takes note and rewards those who are willing to make sacrifices for others.

I have been talking mainly of giving financially to meet needs but giving must also include our time, energy and our talents.  When we give of ourselves in all of these areas it produces a greater level of happiness in our lives.  Volunteering and investing in the lives of others will bring greater happiness to our lives. 

The churches in Guatemala will be asked to participate in a campaign called “40 days of generosity” beginning January 30-February 10. (40diasdegenerosidad.com) It will be a time when people will be challenged to give to meet needs of others, reduce poverty and model Christ’s example.  I hope that each of us will participate and encourage the churches we attend to join the campaign.  The leaders of the movement want Guatemalan’s to learn to give and experience the joy of giving that they may have never experienced because they have seen themselves as in need of receiving more than giving.  It could be a revolutionary time for many people and churches as they experience the happiness that comes from giving.

One other way to increase happiness in our lives is by connecting with other people.  From the beginning God declared that it was not good for man to be alone. 

Gen 2:18  Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

Eve was created to be a help mate, a companion to Adam to share life together.  Whether you are married or not we all need to be connected with other people who will encourage, counsel, stimulate our thinking, share in our struggles and rejoice with us. 

One of the studies conducted with monkeys involved placing the monkey in a very stressful situation.  The scientists monitored the stress hormones in the monkey’s brain in the experiment.  What they found as most of us would probably know ahead of time is that when another monkey was placed in the cage and the same stress factors were present, the stress hormone levels of the monkey was reduced in half.  The conclusion is obvious, we all need a monkey.  I have been reading Job who went through some of the greatest stress tests imaginable.  He basically lost everything except his life.  His 3 friends came to visit him and for the first 7 days they did not say anything to him.  They were simply there to be a comfort to him.  Just having someone with you in times of difficulty helps reduce our stress.  God made us this way, we are gregarious people, social people who need each other.  Some people pride themselves in being independent and not needing anyone else.  They live their lives alone and do not want to be bothered by other people.  They never really connect with others and never experience the level of happiness that is available to them.  We have to learn to be dependent on other people rather than independent from people.  When we are deeply connected to others the bond of true love can form.  When we are bonded in love with other people research shows that there are many benefits. (Cloud p.90)

·         Physically healthier with stronger immune systems and less illness.

·         Medically more likely to deal with their illnesses and treatment well.

·         Emotionally healthier, with less stress, depression and anxiety.

·         More likely to reach their attempts to change their lives.

·         More able to reach their goals.

Support groups, recovery groups, small groups are beneficial to personal growth and especially helpful in overcoming addictions.  Most people experience greater success in overcoming problems when they have the support of others.  We have all seen people who drop out of a program thinking they can do it on their own, only to find out they cannot and they end up back in the situation they left. 

God made our brains to chemically respond in a positive way to support from others and respond negatively when we don’t have it. (Cloud p.94).

Harry Harlow is well known for the experiments he conducted using monkeys. 

In an experiment called the “open-field test,” an infant was placed in a novel environment with novel objects. When the infant’s surrogate mother was present, it clung to her, but then began venturing off to explore. If frightened, the infant would run back to the surrogate and cling to her for a time before sallying forth again. Without the surrogate mother’s presence, the monkeys were paralyzed with fear, huddling in a ball and sucking their thumbs.[6]”

In the “fear test,” infants were presented with a fearful stimulus, often a noisemaking teddy bear.[6] Without the mother, the infants cowered and avoided the object. When the surrogate mother was present, however, the infant did not show great fearful responses and often contacted the device—exploring and attacking it.

He also experimented with social deprivation of monkeys left in partial and total isolation.

From around 1960 onwards, Harlow and his students began publishing their observations on the effects of partial and total social isolation. Partial isolation involved raising monkeys in bare wire cages that allowed them to see, smell, and hear other monkeys, but provided no opportunity for physical contact. Total social isolation involved rearing monkeys in isolation chambers that precluded any and all contact with other monkeys.

Harlow et al. reported that partial isolation resulted in various abnormalities such as blank staring, stereotyped repetitive circling in their cages, and self-mutilation. These monkeys were then observed in various settings. For the study, some of the monkeys were kept in solitary isolation for 15 years.[8]

In the total isolation experiments baby monkeys would be left alone for three, six, 12, or 24[9][10] months of "total social deprivation." The experiments produced monkeys that were severely psychologically disturbed.  Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Harlow

We respond in a very similar way when presented with new or fearful situations and isolation.  We do much better when we have the support of other people.  Some people do better in formal groups while others can be successful being a part of an informal group.  Whatever you need or desire, it is important that you stay connected with others to experience the happiness God intends for us.  God has designed us to flourish when we are connected with other people whom we can be open and transparent.  We need to bear each other’s burdens and be there for each other in our times of need.

Gal 6:2  Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

  If you are not connected with someone or a group you need to do it.  You will benefit from it and others will benefit from your input and influence you can have in their lives.  We each have something unique we can offer to other people but we have to be willing to connect with them to enjoy the benefit. 

Tonight we have just looked at 2 things that will help us live happier lives this year; generosity and getting connected.  Next week we will look at a couple more things we can put into practice this year to help us experience a greater level of happiness.