Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Have a Happier New Year Part 3


  We have been talking the past 2 weeks about how we can have a happier new year.  So far we have talked about 5 things; being a generous giver, being connected with other believers, setting goals, not comparing yourself with others and gratitude.  Tonight I want to finish this series of messages with 3 more factors that have been proven both scientifically and biblically to increase the chemicals in our brain that produce feelings of happiness.
   The first factor is setting boundaries.  A boundary serves three purposes, it defines our personal choices and limitations, it provides protection for us from people who try to take advantage of us or abuse us and it helps us focus on what is important to us that we want to accomplish.
Boundaries help us define our personal choices and behaviors that we want to live by each day. We need to establish moral principles based on the Bible as to how we will conduct ourselves, what is permissible, honorable, healthy and honoring to God and to the people we interact.
   R.C. Sproul uses the term Coram Deo to help define have we are to live.  It means to ‘Live before the face of God’.  Our lives are lived in the presence of God, before his face.  He observes everything we do and knows every thought we have.  What we choose to do must be in alignment to what he has revealed to us.  We live under his authority because he governs our lives.  All that we do must bring glory and honor to him.  As we establish our personal boundaries of how we will live our lives we must always keep these three things in mind.
We have many examples in the Scriptures of men and women who established boundaries regarding how they would live their lives.  Job is one man who was considered a righteous man and when you read his story you get a better understanding of the boundaries he established and committed himself to live by.
Some scholars believe that the story of Job happened before Moses received the 10 commandments.  The principles by which he lived must have been passed down to him.
   Job when he was going through his time of testing was falsely accused of doing evil things by the 3 friends who were certain that his trials were a result of things he had said and done that deserved punishment.  Job defended his integrity by stating the boundaries he had established in his life regarding his conduct with others.
31:1–4. Sexual morality. Covenant with mine eyes conveys the truth that lustful acts are preceded by lustful looks and thoughts. Job determined in his heart to exercise the will power necessary not to think lustful thoughts about young maidens. He disciplined himself not to take the second look that leads to lust. The verb used here does not mean to “glance briefly,” but rather to “gaze, stare or look intently.”
5–8. Business ethics. The word vanity here would be better translated deceitfulness, lying, falsehood or trickery and probably has reference to deceptive or dishonest business practices. Verse 7 seems to imply taking bribes or some other unethical way of getting ahead, taking the possessions of others, such as small objects that cleaved to mine hands.
9–12. Adultery. Job seems to imply sexual sin with a married woman here, rather than the young maid of verse 1. If he had done such a thing, his wife might be made the servant and concubine of another. This is a heinous crime.
13–15. Treatment of employees. This is a remarkably enlightened passage for the time, showing that Job knew he must answer to God for his treatment of servants. What then shall I do when God riseth up? And when he visiteth, what shall I answer him? They were not by nature inferior to him; the same God made them all. Thus, Job denies having taken advantage of his servants in any way.
16–23. Social concern. Job denies having exploited the poor, widows, fatherless, or any other sort of disadvantaged person. To the contrary, he asserts he has shared his goods and food with them. He also acknowledges that all men will be judged by God concerning this very matter, as well as other sins (vss. 23, 28).
24–25. Greed. Continuing with his rhetorical questions as an oath of innocence, Job denies a spirit of greed concerning his wealth in general, and gold in particular. He refutes the idea that he hoarded wealth like a miser and used it to oppress others.
26–28. Idolatry. The worship of sun and moon is the only matter in this chapter not directly related to interpersonal relations and ethical standards. Some writers think that the gold and wealth of verses 24–25 should be joined to these verses as a form of idolatry. The object of our worship is not totally unrelated to morality, however; and Job denies that he made gold his god, or that he worshiped nature and heavenly bodies as his pagan neighbors. If he had he would have denied the God that is above.
29–32. Generosity. Job states that he has not gloated over the misfortunes of his enemies (vs. 29), nor wished them dead through curse or incantation (vs. 30). It is likely that verses 31–32 refer to Job’s hospitality to strangers and travelers. Some see a denial of any homosexual activities ever happening in Job’s tent. The implication is that if travelers were forced to sleep in the streets at night they might be attacked by degenerate men. However, Job always gave them food, shelter and protection. I opened my doors to the traveler.
33–34. Courage. Job maintains he has the inner strength and courage to admit when he is wrong (vs. 33) and not to cover his transgressions as Adam. He further states that neither fear of the crowd nor peer pressure have ever kept him from speaking out against evil (vs. 34).
KJV Bible commentary. 1997, c1994 (electronic ed.) (969). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Job conducted himself in righteousness and allowed others to hold him accountable if he had not been faithful to maintain the standards he had set.  We all need to set personal boundaries on how we will conduct ourselves based on the Word of God and be held accountable by others.  These boundaries keep us from self-destruction and being alienated and despised by others.
Many companies have core values that they agree to govern the conduct of their business and interaction with the public.  These values bind the team together, bring continuity to the way they conduct business and display to their clients what they can be held accountable to do for them.
Personal boundaries can protect us from giving in to temptation only if we put them into practice.  We will constantly be presented with opportunities to give in, to fudge a little or perhaps turn our eyes away rather than take action against things we know are not right.  Having personal boundaries helps define who we are and what we deem to be most important and nonnegotiable standards.
Many of the houses in Guatemala are surrounded by a wall that provides protection.  Vandalism is an issue thus having a high wall with broken glass bottles or razor wire on the top serves as a deterrent to most people but it is not 100 % guaranteed that people will not try to cross the boundary.
  In our lives we also have to construct walls that will protect us from other people who are abusive, manipulators, selfish, and controllers.  Because we are created in the likeness and image of God we have intrinsic value, a value that must be respected by other people.  When someone tries to treat you in a way that diminishes your value and worth, you must take a stand against them.  Job’s friends did everything they could to try to make him feel guilty and deserving of the bad things he was experiencing but Job would not allow it.  He stood against them and opposed them because they were not being truthful.
When we are being falsely accused or someone is trying to manipulate us to get something out of us or shames us and tries to make us feel guilty, or behaves in a way that is offensive to us, we have the right to make a stand against them.  We have to set a boundary regarding what we will accept or not allow them to do.  If we fail to do this we simply give them license to continue their behavior.  Some people are afraid to set the boundary because they feel that they will damage the relationship or the other person will get mad and leave.  You cannot control the reaction of the other person but you can control what you will accept and what the consequences will be if the behavior continues.  I knew a parent who’s under age child was permitted to drink beer and have parties in the basement of their home.  The parent did not like what was happening but was unwilling to set a boundary to not allow it to take place in the home out of fear of losing the child plus rationalizing that it was better to have the drinking done in the house than in a car or in public where more problems could result.  The child was already lost in many ways and the best action was to state clearly what was not acceptable behavior and what consequences would be given,  We are not showing respect or love for our self when we allow people to get away with behaviors that are harmful, offensive and demeaning. We are not helping the other person realize how their behavior is wrong and offensive if we stay silent.  They may be ignorant and not realize what they are doing or they may not care and will do it in spite of our opposition. We are the ones who set the boundary on what we will accept and if that boundary is violated the violator must know that there will be consequences if it happens again. The offending behavior must be described clearly as to what the person is doing and you must clearly describe how it affects you as the offended party. 
The consequences have to be more painful to the offender than the person offended.  If the consequences punish the offended more than the offender it will be difficult to enforce.  Think carefully about what the consequences will be before you state them to the offenders.  Make sure it is clearly understood and that you are willing to enforce it.
Many people feel trapped in a situation as though they have no control of what is happening and they have nowhere to go to get out of the situation.  When we feel like we don’t have a choice or a way out, we continue to allow bad behavior to go on.  The truth is in most situations we do have a choice and sometimes that choice will bring consequence to our lives that we do not like.  In Guatemala there is a lot of abuse of women, especially wives being abused by their husbands.  There are not many shelters for women and if the woman leaves the house the challenge of finding a job that will support the family as well as a home to live in, will be a big concern.  So the choice to leave and separate from the abuse is there but it is not an easy decision and hardships will result.
What are some examples of boundaries that will protect you from being abused or mistreated?
  Dr. Henry Cloud lists these:
·         I will not allow myself to be verbally abused.  If that happens, I will distance myself from the relationship until the abuse stops.
·         I will not allow myself to trust a liar or a cheat.  The lying must stop before I trust the person again.
·         I will not take responsibility for the irresponsible behavior of others.  If they try to get me to do their work, I will tell them I care for them, but that it is their responsibility, not mine.
·         I will not allow myself to be around substance abusers.
·         I will not tolerate abuse of any kind.
·         I will not allow myself to be constantly criticized or infected with toxic emotional treatment that damages me.  I will address it and try to resolve it, but if the situation cannot be resolved, I will not expose myself to it.
·         I will not allow someone to derail me from my path of growth or my relationship with God.

  Setting boundaries not only protects us but it also helps us protect the good things we are trying to build.
If we have a goal of completing a project we will need to set boundaries as to how we will use our time and boundaries to keep other people from interfering with the time we have set aside to accomplish our task.  When Nehemiah was building the wall around Jerusalem there were men who wanted to distract him and possibly kill him.  When they asked him to leave his work and meet with them, he told them he could not come down because he was busy doing a great work.  Nehemiah 6.3
“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it to come down to you?”
The Holy Bible : New Revised Standard Version. 1989 (Ne 6:3). Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers. Learning to say no is hard for many people but it is needed to help us protect the good things we want to accomplish.  This is not selfishness because the purpose of achieving the goal is to be a benefit not only to myself but to others who will be able to gain through my accomplishment.
  A second factor in increasing our happiness is happy people have a calling.
“Researchers write that when it comes to how people look at their work, there are three kinds of people;
1.  Those who see their work as a ‘job’, with its main purpose being to provide a living
2. Those who see their work as a ‘career.’ With the purpose of advancement upward on a path; and
3. Those who see their work as a ‘calling,’ with the higher purpose of contributing to the larger good and for the intrinsic benefit and experience of the work itself.”
God has gifted each one of us to be able to do specific things well.
  Ephesians 2:10  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  
When we are walking in or using those gifts he has given us for his purposes we are doing his work fulfilling his plan, fulfilling the ‘calling’ on our life.  We often separate secular from spiritual but this is not correct.  We see people in full time ministry and call that spiritual work.  People involved in other types of work are viewed as doing secular work and this is wrong.  Everything comes from God and if we are using the gifts he has given us to fulfill his work we are doing spiritual work, we are doing what God created us to do.  The work that we do brings glory to him as we work in a manner that pleases him.  When we are using our gifts there is a sense of happiness that we experience.  If we do not view our work as a calling from God perhaps we are not viewing our work through the eyes of God or we are not working in an area of our gifting.  Our calling is usually in line with the things that we are passionate about doing.  When we do them we are energized and time seems to fly by.  Happy is the person who is able to find the place where they can use their gifts all the time.
Our calling always includes being a blessing to other people.  We will find satisfaction personally when we are operating in our gifts but the greater joy comes in being able to use those gifts to be a blessing to other people.  God is interested in people and as we gain his heart and compassion for people the focus of our life will change and the purpose of work will go beyond making a paycheck.  When I see the benefit of doing my job for the good of other people I will find greater happiness in what I do.  I see this happen when people come to Guatemala on mission trips and they are able to use their gifts to benefit others.  Building a home, providing for the physical needs of people, teaching and training to improve their health and job prospects, providing spiritual guidance etc. bring joy to them as well as the people who they help. 
Your happiness will increase when you find your passion, find your place and focus on serving people with your gifts and talents.

The final factor we will talk about tonight is being engaged wholeheartedly in what you do.  Our level of happiness increases when we are doing the things we enjoy with all our heart.  We have all been in situations where either we personally or someone in our group was not full engaged in the work.  We were there in body but not in our total commitment to the work.  We may have stood back and let others do the work because we were not interested or a little fearful and we did not want to engage in what was happening.  Paul said,
Col 3.17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
When we do something in his name, it should represent the same way he would do it.
   When we are fully engaged in what we are doing we experience greater joy and enter into what has been called ‘the flow’.  When we are in the flow time passes quickly because we are fully engaged in what we are doing. It is as though we enter another dimension of life.  To get into the flow, researcher Mihaly  Csikszentmihalyi found that a combination of  things were necessary.
1. The activities must be both challenging but also something that we could do.
2. We need to have clear goals and be fully focused and concentrate to achieve them.
3. We have to know what is expected and know how we are doing.
4. We need to lose ourselves and a sense of time
We have to choose activities that we enjoy as well as activities that will stretch us or push us to increase our abilities.  This involves an element of risk as we venture into new areas.  Maybe coming to Guatemala has been one of the stretching activities that you have experienced.  Living in a different culture, learning a new language and the customs of the people all present challenges that we face on a daily basis.  But there is also great joy in being fully engaged in the work, not waiting for something else to happen or just passing time.  Giving your all, being wholehearted is the only way to really enjoy the benefits of working as unto the Lord.
As we begin this New Year, I pray that God will lead you into areas and activities that you can truly experience the ‘flow’.  Find your passion and put yourself in new situations and circumstances where you will be challenged to use the gifts or further develop the gifts God has given you.  Don’t waste your life doing things that simply pass time, are the easiest things to do and produce no eternal benefit.  Be fully engaged in your work, do it as unto the Lord and not unto man.  Ask God to give you creative ideas on how you can use your gifts to be a blessing to other people.  Invest in yourself, take up a challenge, pursue something new or fulfill a desire that you have always had and see what God will do in you and through you.
  In closing we looked at three more factors that will increase your happiness in the New Year. Let’s put them into practice and enjoy the life God has destined for us.
1.  Establish boundaries to keep you in line with biblical values, protect yourself from people who want to make life difficult for you and help you stay focused on what you want to accomplish.
2.  Find and operate in your calling that matches your gifts and talents.
3.  Give yourself wholeheartedly to the work God has given you and continually challenge and stretch yourself to improve and discover new areas where you can be a blessing to others.

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